Is There a Script for This?

      Life isn’t a book. Or a movie.
     What does that mean or not mean?
     For me, this is a difficult post, because I have conflicting views. It means that life is often ordinary- that I wake up, go to work and shop for groceries and try to squeeze in as much of the stuff I love (spending time with friends and family, writing, baking, running) as possible. It means that I make a point to be grateful for the times in my life that aren’t worthy of a Grammy- when life is peaceful and without drama. When I wake up for work on time and don’t spill coffee all over myself on the way out the door and remember everyone’s birthday.
     Early last year, I went though a major life change and it opened my eyes to all the possibilities in life. I stopped taking everything for granted. So when I say that I appreciate every cup of coffee, I really mean it. I never want to lose that part of myself again- the person who wonders and loves and dances freely.
     While I love these every day moments, I also find myself yearning for something more because I feel like I’ve got a second chance at life. And I’m determined not to waste it. As someone who likes to plan things out, I have found myself slipping back into the tendency of anticipating all the negative outcomes and not necessarily taking into consideration the positive ones or that I will likely be blindsided by some surprises along the way.
     I’m not a character in one of my thrillers, nor is this a romantic comedy. There’s no serial killer after me (God, I hope not), nor is there a knight in shining armor looking to rescue me and I sure haven’t had the fortune of having a flying car. See, as a writer, I’m always looking to find the next trial that my character(s) must face. A few years ago, I started to take that same outlook on my own life, although I didn’t realize it until much later. Recently I remembered that things balance out. There are amazing moments and devastating ones and a lot that float somewhere between the two extremes. Maybe all my dreams will come true. Maybe not. I do know that I’d never keep reading a book if I didn’t have some hope that the character I’d invested so much time in wasn’t going to grow or achieve a dream or find love or win a battle- whatever it is that their personal quest was.
     My goal is to really immerse myself in the living of life. Not everything will go my way, but sometimes things work out better than I plan. No book is entirely void or filled with joy and heartache and the same is true about life.
     I’ve decided that I need to make a new type of ordinary for myself, which is why I’m embarking on the journey of self publishing. I hope I succeed and it’s possible I won’t, but I’ll surely fail if I don’t try. I’ve resolved to leap with faith into things that scare the hell out of me, but will either be extraordinarily fabulous or will be great learning experiences in which I’m challenged, but come out of it stronger (hopefully that includes fabulously challenging times).
     They make Indie films, right? Maybe my life is an indie film…